I just lost my dad. I mean just just. It hasn’t even been two weeks just (well it hadn’t been when I wrote this). That does some crazy things to you.
I know people die all of the time, but this was so unexpected. I’m not going to pretend he didn’t have health problems because he did. Any yet, this was still the last thing we expected to happen. This has thrown me for a real tailspin. You think you have all the time in the world, but you don’t. Someday your number will be up, and you don’t have a say in it. Isn’t that wild?
This entire situation is making me reevaluate how I’m living my life. I spend my time working at a job I don’t love so I can afford to do the things I do love. Only I’ve been putting so much of myself into this job and it’s been incredibly mentally exhausting. So, I don’t actually get to enjoy the things that make me happy anymore. I’m living to work when I should be working to live my best life.
It almost feels like I’ve been lost forever. I’ve never had a concrete plan of what I want to do with my life, and it shows with all of the different paths I’ve tried. My sister grew up knowing she wanted to be a lawyer and made it happen. Some people know early on they want to be doctors and just do it. I’ve changed what I want to be when I grow up so many times. I say this as if I’m not an actual grown up. I’m damn near 30.
I have a degree in something I don’t care about because people told me I should. I fully could have gotten a degree in something creative. No one held a gun to my head and said, “choose business”. In my mind I figured I should get a degree in something that will pay the bills while I pursue my creative endeavors on the side. It’s okay to have to work to support yourself if that’s what it takes. Aren’t we all just drowning in mountains of student loans and credit card debt anyway? You should still be able to enjoy the fruits of your labor whether it be a vacation or a shiny new phone (I’m looking at you Dan).
Looking back on my dad’s life through pictures has been a journey. He looks like he had so much fun. He did things he loved, he went on vacations, and he made time for friends and family. I don’t want someone to look back on my life and not be able to say the same thing. I want to live my best life. It’s a cliché for a reason.
Ready. Set. Go!